Dear Addiction

I’m writing this to you

Telling you were thru
I can’t take you anymore
Don’t know what I liked you for
All you did was wear me out
Now I know what your all about
You came to me with promise and joy
Now look at all the things you destroy
Families, lives, bank accounts you see
You ruined it all with one little tease
Look at the way you make me feel
Then you take it all and want me to steal
Why can’t you just go and hide
Somewhere far away where I’ll never find
Everyone at home don’t understand
How you rip me apart , then lend me a hand
I keep coming back thinking inside
Maybe this time I’ll make you my bride
Then I sit and wonder why
Why do you really want me to die
Thousands and thousands come to you
Hoping and praying you’ll help them thru
Then they fall for your lending hand
Only to realize your nothing but a scam
You promised me heaven and sent me to hell
You ruined my life and then wished me well
Watch me now as I go on my way
I’m washing myself of all of your pain
So you and your power can just leave me be
I’m taking my life and setting it free

Value Of Love

I have seen women lifted by love.

Countless women surrounded, fed, embraced by love.
But most recently I have met a woman condemned by love.
Alienated, starved, forgotten by love. 
The pain from love is visible in the eyes, heart, and soul of this woman.
She who lives for love, who would die for love.
Curiosity forces me to look deep into her. 
Big brown eyes tell of a man whose love was taken away as quickly as was given.
A selfish man whose compassion drowned in these eyes.
Taking advantage of the faith and forgiveness she possesses.
Tears roll down her cheeks and begin to drip from her delicate chin. 
As sympathy overwhelms me I invite myself in for a better look.
A bleeding heart welcomes me to the truth behind this love.
What once was bliss has transformed.
The love that filled now forces her to starve.
An endless hunger that consumes, leaving nothing for this woman.
This man has stripped her of all that she loved including himself.
He has laughed at her sorrow and found comfort in her misery.
My heart breaks for her as she opens up to let me in. 
One foot after the other I step into her soul. 
My thoughts echo as I begin to connect with her sorrows.
"Stop," catches her attention as I start to reason with her.
"Do not give yourself to this man."
Confusion fills her as she wakes to catch my gaze.
"If your love/your life mean so little to you that you can just give it away, why should it mean any more to him?" 
I hear these words and reality sets in. 
I have met this woman in love.
Alienated, starved, forgotten by love.
I have seen into her eyes, felt her heartache, and visited her soul.
This muse whose sorrow connects so genuinely with mine... is ME!
I have given my life to a man who has never asked nor has he ever cared for it.
I have believed and made true all lies.
I have accepted inferiority, for how can he value me more than I value myself?

New Morning, New Life

Remember And Forgive

Time has come to say goodbye
But in my heart you'll always stay
I'll walk away and hide my tears
And forever I'll remember this day
I'll remember how my heart did break
Remember the way you words stung me
But I'll forgive you, it's not your fault
And I'll deal with the fact that we weren't meant to be.

When Love Begins

I always knew that love would come find me someday

but never did I know that it would be you who was headed my way
you caught me off guard and took me by surprise
but you simply captivated me, the same way you do when I look into your eyes
It's true that every good and perfect gift is from above
you were presented to me as a beautifully packaged gift full of humor, talent, intelligence, beauty and love
"it isn't finding the perfect person but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"
we all have our flaws but when I view you through my eyes, perfection is all I see
From when you laugh to when you're upset, I still love the little things you do
especially hearing you laugh and seeing your nose wrinkle the same way mine does too
coming into this relationship has been hard at times but we've made it through
I know as long as we're on this journey together, there's nothing that we can't do.
Sometimes I wonder if what we have is too good to be true
too scared to get my heart broken and scared of the thought of losing you
but in the end, I trust in the author and perfecter of what I believe
because what we ask for in Him, we in return shall receive
"Where your treasure is, your heart will be also" is how the saying goes
I may not know what tomorrow may bring, for God is the only one who knows
the one thing I do know is that you are my one and only
a treasure in my heart that I want to devote my whole life to completely
I know I don't need to prove my feelings to know they're true
because what I've known in my past, doesn't come close to the experience I've shared with you
I've had the experience of being in relationships before
however, this is the first time I've been truly happy... I couldn't ask for anything more
it's an honor to know that I am yours, as you are mine
and I trust God that He'll bring us together in His beautiful time
For now, I'll be waiting patiently for that day when we'll be together
that precious moment in time when I'll say, "it's you that I want to be with forever"
God made everything beautiful, precious and new
just as beautiful and precious as the day will be, when I look into your eyes and say, "I Love You"

Time is a great healer

They say that time's a great healer 
But I don't think that's true. 
My hearts been aching so so much 
Since the day that I lost you. 
I had to say goodbye 
before I could say hello 
I wish I could of told you 
How much I loved you so. 
You mean more to me than anything 
Even though we never met 
Mummy loves her precious babies 
& I promise that I won't forget. 
You're my 3 shining stars 
& in my heart is where you'll stay 
But don't be too sad little ones 
Because mummy knows we'll meet someday. 
In memory of my triplets

☸ڿڰۣ——☸ڿڰۣ——☸ڿڰۣ——☸ڿڰۣ——☸ڿڰۣ——☸ڿڰۣ——☸

LOST

You pass me on the street and out eyes briefly meet.

You hold the door open for me as I enter behind you.
I say thanks, but you have no idea that my mind is blank.
In the elevator you crack a joke, I flash a smile, 
you have no idea that my heart is in denial. 
You ask me how my day was and I say fine. 
You have no idea that my brain and I are arguing to if I should cross the line.
My happiness is gone as I walk in this world. 
The thoughts in my head have me wishing I was laying in a cold dark hole.
Once you lose your soul there is no turning back. 
Everything you once dreamed of no longer has an impact.
You don't want to love nor do you want to have fun. 
Your days are so long the problems in your mind make you question if you should carry on. 
You smile so that's what people see on your face, 
they think that you are happy but deep down inside you feel like a worthless disgrace. 
Each day the performance you put on for people is Emmy award winning, 
But you question yourself and wonder if you act is just a way for you to hold off your own internal sinnings.
When you wake up from a night's sleep you wonder to yourself if today is the day your heart will be back to it's old self or will it still be skipping every other beat. 
You wonder if things that once made you happy to be alive will make a comeback. 
You wonder if the little things in life that made you who you are will have you once again dreaming to the stars. 
You wonder if you will feel less empty hearted. 
You wonder to yourself who holds the match to start that fire. 
You're tired of running and losing your breath. 
You want to hold tight to something that will help you once again enjoy the journey into lives amazing treks. 
You want to feel that every day can be better than the last. 
You want to turn your lost soul feeling into a thing of your past.....

She

She got up this morning,
sun shining through the blind,
she took a look in the mirror,
and something crossed her mind.
You weren't there to see her wake,
she didn't see your smile,
for when she does she feels like,
her days are all worthwhile.
She went into work today,
kids running through the halls,
she looked at plans for tomorrow,
and is sad when nobody calls.
She got in her car to go home today,
on the radio she heard a song,
it reminded her of you,
and how hurtful it is you're gone.
She went out with a friend tonight,
smiled and wore a brave face,
for all she really wants in life,
is to have you in this place.
She gets a daunting feeling,
one which won't disappear,
what's the point in all of this?
what's the point when you're not here?
She went to sleep that night,
tried to prepare for the days ahead,
if she looks real careful,
you're there on your side of the bed.
Stroke her hair and tell her,
that no matter what life throws,
you have a love like no other,
in death it continues to grow.
She got up this morning,
sun shining through the blind,
she took a look in the mirror,
and something crossed her mind.
You WERE there to see her wake,
and she could see your smile,
and when she did she realized,
you're only absent for a while.
She closes her eyes and in the dark,
she knows she'll see you again,
the only thing that troubles her,
is not being able to say when?
For now she must be patient,
and one day her time will come,
and you'll be there to take her hand,
and safely guide her home.

Fragments Of The Real You

The mask you hide behind is bright

Your falseness glitters in the light
You played every card in your life wrong
Today's not a game, not a quest to belong
You say you can't trust anyone
Then why do you betray and run
You're a star that hides behind a cloud
You can't hear me through thunder so loud
You and I
Your carelessness just makes me cry
Show me who you really are
Drop your glitter and show me the star
You're not fat or ugly or dumb
You're slim and pretty and unlike some
I'd like to see more of you.
I'd like to see more than fragments of you.

You Cheated...

Why can't you love me the way you should? 
I know you could... 
Instead my heartache is what your choosing... 
It's me that you are loosing... 
I hate what you've done to me, 
I was all that you ever wanted me to be, 
I'm not blind, I can see.. 
I see your game, 
I'm not insane, you are hurting me... 
After everything I have done for you, 
everything I gave you, you turn around and cheat? 
All the times and memories we have spent together you even said we'd be forever.. 
The bond we share, 
I never thought you would dare, 
dare to hurt me this way, 
all the lies you say... 
You made me sick, 
she is what you want to pick...
You made me cry while you told a lie, 
you made me want to die... 
How could this be your not here with me? 
You are not that man I thought you were, 
now I know, now I'm sure..."Never hurt you", 
is what you said, 
now I know your not a man of your word...
Made me feel crazy when I asked "why your phone was off", 
yet I knew you were hurting me, 
I knew I was right, you were out of my sight, 
you really ruined my life... 
How could you ask me to forgive you? 
How many times can I? You have lost my trust over what I call lust... 
You chose to hurt me it was a must...
I am beautiful so I have to be brave, 
brave enough to move on, 
I will be strong, without you,
my life won't be wrong.. 
I will forget you in time, 
and no, no it's not fine... 
I'm glad that your not mine... 
You use to be my greatest treasure but now your never... 
I hope your happy for what you did to me, 
right now your blind but soon you will see....

Other People ..

Hell is other people who
No matter what you do
Always find something to judge
They drag you through the sludge
And see through your thin disguise
As they shred you with their eyes
All their faults and lack
They place upon your back
Unable to see their own transgression
It becomes their only obsession
To find all of your flaws
And all your broken laws
And they won’t even let you live
Because they refuse to forgive

Heaven is other people who
No matter what you do
Choose to see the best
In you and forget the rest
They don’t dwell on your sin
Since they want all to win
They don’t create divisions
By their prideful derisions
Of those with whom they differ
For they know that the transfer
Of their own guilt to another
Will come back and smother
Their efforts to be free
And their search for unity

It's His Fault

Why do you beat yourself up
because you had the courage to love
gave all of yourself in hopes that he was the one
Why do you beat yourself up
When it was his choice to be unfaithful
His choice to hurt you
Why do you beat yourself up
Knowing that you had done everything for him
supported him, comforted him, 
loved him more than you loved yourself 
Why after his lies and deceit
do you still love him? and want him to love you
Why after the repeat of hurt and trust being lost
do you think that he deserves a love as pure as yours
Why do you beat yourself up
over what you could have done better
when you know deep down there was nothing
What makes you search for answers as to why 
when they will not change the past
Nor mend your broken heart
Why when a man decides to cheat do we blame ourselves?
why does it make us question every little detail about who we are 
Make us think that we are not worthy of love
Why when a man cheats do we still long for him to change
Realize how wrong he was, and fall in love with us again
Why do you beat yourself up
When you deserve more
When all that you have done is loved someone completely
Give yourself time and the pain will subside 
and the mourning will cease
You will see that you are still you
Still wonderful, beautiful you
Nothing has changed except your experience in love
And your determination to share love with another
As you can never truly love someone until you learn to love yourself 

“Good Bye”

I’m tired of your apologies,
I’m tired of your Lies..
You’ve left me feeling empty,
Ready to say Good Bye…
I’ve given you my heart,
I’ve given you my soul..
I’m tired of feeling empty,
Just once more to feel whole.
Show me you love me,
Whole heartedly and undoubtedly..
Give me reason to believe,
That we were meant to be..
Give me hope and understanding ,
These are just some of what I need..
I’m drowning in a feeling, 
That what we had may be gone..
But I’m praying that feeling is wrong.
I‘m tired of your apologies,
I’m tired of your lies…
Please give it all you got before I say Good Bye.

Painful Memories

Pain is not an emotion I know
Yet it's all I know 
I can't feel it
Nor can I heal it
It happens all the time
For me, it's all I know
I've experienced first hand a fathers abuse
Yeah, sometimes it hurt
But I grew numb to the pain
I've witness my mother cry
And every time I wanted to die
That's all in the past now
But the memories still last
This may be hard to believe
For a girl whose just sixteen
But when I think the memories have left me
They come back to haunt me
You may find it hard to believe
But sometimes late at night I cry 
Until I feel dead inside
So don't think I don't know pain
Because pain is all I've know.

Life is

A dream for the wise, 
A game for the fool, 
A comedy for the rich, 
A tragedy for the poor.A mistakes for the loser,
A beautiful for the blind
A heart break for the lover
Ignorant human raise them questions that wise human answered a thousand years ago.
When all you dares to be a fool, that will be the first step in the direction of wisdom. before that do not search about the good Cards in your life game Just try to play well with the cards you already Have