I am walking in darkness, even though there is Sun, I am stuck in my tracks, when I am trying to run.... Just the thought of loneliness.. and I am undone.
I write these words, with sadness ripping me apart, Laughter is on my lips, but tears are on my heart... You see, I feel, oh so very much alone, And this feeling goes straight to the core.. to the bone.
For I am surrounded by people who are laughing with me and I hide from them, with plain smiles they can see the simplest of masks, that hides me so well
The purest of disguises, so easy to sell
I am a creature born to help those around me but deep down inside, I face my struggles solitary, Filled with self doubt, with uncertainty
Who Do I turn, when I can't trust me.. I mean, look at this way, look at how I can see it... !!
Who can I trust, if I can't trust my own shit..!
Who can carry me, if I can't walk on my own feet..!
Who else could fulfill such an undaunted feat.!!
So I wipe them away, each and every little tear, Each want, each worry, each misplaced fear
And I trudge on, where fake smiles are founded, Wholly, sorrowfully, and completely alone, yet surrounded.
Right now the mind is blank,
right now have an empty heart;my dreams pause at a wasted bank,
then words flow without a path... Fragile as the paper boats,they float
with short lived glee; knowing fully, death's a truth and awaits them constantly.
Yet... We couldn't complain
When ego declines, your heart's insistence; love, converse in silence..
When words cease to exist and mind repudiates; love, converse in silence..
When each word you say is always held against; love, converse in silence..
When asked to quit the game far worse, you couldn't complain; love's too terse with silence.!
The wounds began to build up, quicker than I had thought The pain began to amplify, from the lies others had wrought.
I sit alone, in my room, thinking about my life, Backing away, taking a look, at this world of strife.
I lean back in my chair, letting a deep sigh escape, Hearing all those lies replayed on an endless tape
My father telling me about the miracles of fate, How I was a mistake, There was no love, only hate... My whole life has been one wound after another, No matter how much I looked, I couldn't find even a single soul brother.
No one to help me through all my suffering an pain, No one to keep my dry through this world of rain.
So, I sit up here in my room, afraid of the light, Switching it off, not sure how much longer I can fight, Alone in this world, wanting to be set free... Wondering, if anyone in this world would miss me.
And then,
I think I make my decision, To plunge into the dark world of sin, I finger the tip of a blade, wondering if I should cause a flood to cut into my wrists, open them up and see the blood... or I could just as easily throw the throttle, drive to fast, or take all the pills in the bottle... Could drift away so soft and quiet, Would my passing even cause the smallest of a riot, I can feel the tightening of this world's noose, Tightening around my throat, not letting me loose
I can feel the darkness closing in around me, Blotting out my vision, I don't think I can see... Is this death, is this what it feels like to die?
I don't know what I am doing, I don't know why?
Why did I choose to end it all instead of living?
Now that I am dead, What I am giving?
All those people that i Had let down?
Just because I let my troubles wash me up and I drowned in the sea of my own transgression, When I realize now, I had my own mission... There are people out there, that need me, people who looked at me as their only key.
Then,
with a gasp, I rise from my sleep, I had been lost, in the world so deep, My unconscious mind had tried to tell.. That if I ended it all, My world would be hell
Even if my whole family tries to destroy, All that i Have built, There is still someone out there, who looks up and sees, A person they can trust, perhaps a hero in me...
So for all of you, who want to end it, who wish to go bye
Think of all that you are leaving behind before you die
Think of your friends, I am sure you have one.
Think of your unborn children, your future daughter or son
Think of the memories you are throwing away
Because you can't hang on for just another day
I know I know, no one knows what you feel, No one has been what you have been through, don't know what is real... Trust me on this, you are completely wrong ?
If you think you are alone, you are singing a false song, You are not alone, other have been where you are, Others have felt worse pain, and have worse scars
And they can live and fight and strive for more, Keep on trucking no matter how sore, Pick themselves up when knocked to the floor because they love memories and just want more.
But this isn't a plea for you to not die.. This is a plea, for you to ask why ?
Instead of looking to the bad looking to the night, To stop dwelling on the dark, and live in the light... Because if you weigh the good with the bad, and look at these things without getting mad, You'll understand that the twenty, forty or less years that are past you, are filled with many fears,
But also, somewhere, there is happiness and joy, So turn up your head, You girl, or you Boy ... And remember all those around you that mean something to you, they love you... and you aren't a toy.
And they, they are the reason you need to keep hold on, move on, carry on and .. and never ever give up.
