just my mask

Of course I'm fine, why do you ask?
Oh don't mind this, it's just my mask.
It hides the grief, it hides the strife,
I wear this mask, to escape the knife.
Don't forget this, my pain is real,
I'm not lying, this is how I feel.
You sit there saying, it can't be true,
it is for me, just not for you.
You say my heart, must be a sight,
cold as ice, and black as night.
It's not my heart, only my soul,
but killing me, must be your goal.
You're getting close, I hope you know,
you really don't, have far to go.
Soon enough, I'll reach my end,
you'll have my soul, to tear and rend.
But you don't know, you never ask,
you never look, beyond the mask.
The look on my face, is giving me away,
I wonder now, what you will say?
You've asked me here, you'll know now,
I'll take it off, I'll take a bow...
I can't do it now, tell you the truth,
I must keep up, my pretense of youth.
"Of course I'm fine, why do you ask?
Oh don't mind this, it's just my mask"

Loneliness

Loneliness is real
It is not a joke
I struggle and cry
And even start to choke
I can't seem to distinguish what's real anymore
Everywhere I go people treat me like some whore
I just sit here
and wait for tomorrow to appear
Every morning I awake
Wondering why I have not done it 
The decision that I have to make
I don't think I can take it anymore
when will this torment end?
I know I've felt it before
The trust that someone will have to lend
My life is in danger
Help me before it's too late
Or will I surrender to my anger
And arrive to school late?
My choice is made
My choice is final
It's not something you can trade
It's something that will forever remind you
How much loneliness can hurt.

You will never change

Nothing pricks me more,
Than to know you'll never change.
Promises made galore,
To this lover now deranged.
My heart extends in constant hopes,
That one day you can be,
A better man for you, yourself,
A better man for me.
I know that deep inside
You wish,
you wish you could pretend,
To be the person from which you hide,
The guy you should have been.
I root for you,
Don't think i don't.
Don't think I'd let you down.
If not many fans within the crowd,
Still there i can be found.
But nothing pricks me more 
than to know you'll never change.
Tell me wheres the willingness?
What are you willing to release?
The pride before fall,
Or the crash that will proceed?
I want to hold you in my arms,
Knowing you're a better man.
To keep me safe in your arms,
But the harmer's intertwined with my hands.
Maybe single handedly i should run,
As though this race has just begun.
Let you go hand and hand
With that on which your life depends...
Your pride...
It ll always turn on he who is its owner,
Considering him not much more than a donor...
But you're willing to
Forsake my love.
Nothing pricks my heart more than knowing you'll never change

I apologize

At times I hurt you with my doubts
To the point that you think about walking out.
It makes the tears roll down my face
Because it scares me to lose what I can't replace.
I always let my past get in our future
Which causes doubts in my mind.
It stimulates my speculations
And I believe that you're like the other kind.
I'm not realizing that I'm pushing you away
While all along I just need you to stay.
My life without you is like a pen with no ink.
So useless, unmarkable, 
How could I think?
You make me light up like the sun's ray.
Just knowing that I have you gets me 
Through the day.
I need you in my life; 
You may not think it's true.
My heart is owned to your name
Because I love you.
Please forgive me for my despise
I'll never do it again; I apologize.

World is a stage;whose stage?

Am drifting through life in a scooter
speed just slow enough to see all
and pace long enough to scan the whole hall,
i know what i see may cost me life
and what i choose may cause me strife
but so is life many choices,full of jelly and tar!
Am drifting through while near the edge
who thought my edges would waft this high
and failing to take chances would bring this big why,
i knew there was a life to live tomorrow
and penalties would chase into the extra time i borrow
but blindly i cuddled my own wisdom,'am that new sage'!
my joys are running low, i still have morsels to share
many are drifting too,i can see in their eyes me too
and that ignorance is like to drift is also true
with discernment i make true decision
to always ask the right way to plant a damaged scion!

lightining

If you sleep as you close your eyes

As both your mind and the light dies

You will see this face...

When the rain starts to fall

When the thunders begin to roll

You will see this face...

I am the disturbance when you can't concentrate

I am the only thing to see when you hallucinate

You will see this face...

When the fire scatters around the whole place

When you are in the middle, full of disgrace

You will see this face...

When the lightning strikes and flashes

And feel fear that you can't express

You will see this face...

If this world begins to crumble and sink today

When the music of laments starts to play

You will see this face...

When angels and demons go to war

Look into the horizon, there's something so far

You will see this face...

When everything faces its own degeneration

And when hell collides to heaven

You will see this face...

You Pushed Me To The Edge

You made me doubt myself
my appearance
my ways
you pointed every single flaw that i had out to me
you made me hate myself
i woke up everyday hoping i wasn't myself
i stayed up at night hoping i wouldn't wake up 2 more of your painful words
I believed i was a screw up
a mistake
a freak of a kid
that i was unwanted
i wanted to just die
you pushed me to the edge
You ruined our family
you made all three of you daughters hate you
you cause mom to go into depression
you caused me to go into depression
you made me believe i was crazy
that i belonged in a mental institution
you made me feel unloved and unwanted
i stopped believing in trust
in love
in a family
you pushed me to the edge
and for that i hate you!

Do i knew You !!

How could you do this? I should have known something was amiss. You abused my trust With one thrust Of a dagger sharpened by lies I want to know why. I trusted you Did I ever really know you? Who are you to do this? I now see what all was amiss. You are not a true friend. I am bringing this to an end. I hope you see how I feel For now the betrayal is forever sealed

Curiosity

A hundred years hence your a dusted relic in a photo album Seeing the light of day when recalled on a cold machine As some byte grown out of some fond curiosity By a future relative looking up your family tree. When you lived you lived a life full of wonder and joy. You accomplished it all: the kids, the house, the gold. You walked on the grandest yellow brick road But now your a dusted relic in a photo album. They read you, your accomplishments, your dreams The places you got your kicks, your habits, your hangouts, Nights at the opera, even your checkered past; But now you see the light of day when recalled on a cold machine. Your in remembrance now, stuck in some overgrown musty grave, With an inscription: He came, He went, He gave How they sneered at you under the dusty desert sky; Now your just a computer byte brought out for their fond curiosity. They looked back, dug up their roots, even left you alone for years. Yet here you are on some tree chart, with a grand old smile and a bib around your neck; You look silly, but what do you know? they know it all! Your just a relic to a future relative looking up their family tree. Do not despair, old soul that once called earth home, No, do not despair! You found your resting place beyond this grave. If only you knew how they envy you now, for they never rest of their despair, They hold all your old fears, a hundred years hence They too are a dusted relic brought out by some fond curiosity.

Th Woman Of My Dreams

I know that she has told me lies, but I still think of her when I close my eyes. 
I know I'm not the best she'll do, I still don't care my love is true. 
I want to give her all I can, I want to have her, to hold her hand. 
I see her in my dreams at night, to live without her is a constant fight. 
I see her live without a care while I sit dying it isn't fair. 
I fear that I will never move on, while this girl my eyes remain fixed upon. 
I love her completely and without exception,
for her I would die, a deadly transaction. 
My heart is hers whether she wants it or not, 
while I'm without her my soul will rot. 
I'll die alone or so it seems, I'll never be happy without the woman of my dreams.

What love is !!!!

Love is a burning candle
It's not always easy to handle
It burns, but it's still beautiful
And it makes celebrations oh so meaningful
It's a sunset
Burning with romance
A song...
That makes you want to dance...

She will never know !!

When did my feelings get so deep
Why did they take that big long leap
Going from friend to crush 
What a rush
And I don't think she knows
Since when did her smile make me go weak
Since when did her tears make mine start to leak
Why does this happen when I'm always so strong
When people called me Superman I guess they were wrong
And I don't think she knows
When she talks I cant help but watch her lips
To notice their shape and curves when they dip
Wait, why am I looking? I don't even know
And I cant help but wonder if she even knows
Her beautiful eyes are nothing like ours
They're so deep and bright you'd believe they were stars
They pour forth emotions in raging rivers
They could make even me believe that Santa always delivers
And still she has no idea
Her body is perfection though she denies it
It makes my head spin with every glance I give
She could put any man under her spell
But she doesn't know how I feel and I don't think I'll tell
I love how she looks and who she is
And how she makes me feel like this
I love how she's beautiful and smart with a heart so strong
And how she lives every day like nothing could go wrong
Still she hasn't got a clue
Now school is at an end on the 11th at noon
I wonder if she cares that I'm moving soon
We're parting that day after schools many months
I just wish I could have kissed her just once
Now that I've said it with my poetic skill 
I don't think she knew, and now she never will

Is there life after love !!!

My heart has been broken by someone I love, 
how to forget is a gift from above. 
You did what you did for reasons unknown 
and all the while I was cut to the bone. 
The wound is now healing but the scars will remain, 
how do I continue and still feel the same.. 
Being true to oneself is all that it takes 
to realize where we have made mistakes, 
Should I go or should I stay 
as Ill always wonder what happened that day. 
Is there life after love, 
does anyone know 
or just memories of feelings that have been torn away. 
How do I close my eyes to the fact that you will throw me away on the strength of a shag!

Find love again !!

I gave you my heart

And you gave it back

When we split apart

My heart was a whole of black.

I said I Love You

I meant it with all I had

You didn't think it was true

Which left me so mad.

September was the end of us

I couldn't let you go,

I still meant to impress

Hoping it would let you know

That I still need you,

And wanted to be happy.

But you knew

That we both would just end up unhappy.

I didn't talk to you

For the longest time.

I was so blue

To give a dime.

To me you are someone else I knew

Than other people saw.

I didn't go with the flow

Ending in me hating you.

How things have occurred

To where there is no good between us.

Which has become absurd

And much stress.

I just want to forgive and forget

Start over like we never knew one another.

Act like we just met

And one day be close like any other!

The One Who Got Away

My heart literally hurts
My chest is in pain
Life without you
Will never be the same
I can’t blame you
Because I did you wrong too
But now that it’s officially over
I don’t know what to do
We started out as friends
As I denied my feelings
You came to me
You wanted more, with more meaning
I did but I was scared
When you tried to be there, I left
I thought you were better than me
The best man I ever met
As time went on
I regretted my actions
Got caught up in my insecurities
They stopped me from acting
I couldn’t believe you chose me
When I knew you deserve better
So I carried on,
As if I never met you
I finally got the nerve
To look you in the eye
Such a beautiful man you are
It shook me inside
I tried to mend what I tore
But the damage was done
I came back too late
You found someone
I’ll never forget your smile
I’ll never forget your kiss
But your presence in my life
Will forever be missed

Shattered Heart

Some say a broken heart is like a shattered vase

Fragile pieces scattered all over the place.

The shattered pieces of broken glass seem to go everywhere

Unlike the pieces of a broken heart that seem to pierce your soul.

With faith and hope you try to mend the broken heart

Unlike the vase it cannot be so easily replaced.

It takes a while to mend it and then you lock it up

You hide the key and wait to see if someone can be found

A special person who will use the key to unlock the heart

A unique person who will handle the heart with gentle hands,

Who can be honest, truthful and handle it with care.

My heart and I wonder is there really that kind of person out there.

Christmas Wish

I wanted for Christmas you to be mine

I wrote this before it was that time

I hoped that there had been sufficient time passed

for you to take me back and start again at long last

I gave you time and now I can see

the best I can give you is freedom from me

I make this decision because I feel I must

it appears I'll never gain back that trust

I want you to know that no matter what

there wont come a time you don't drive me nuts

not the kind that gets people admitted

the better one, being forever and always committed

I must give that up and cancel my mission

I guess our love will never meet fruition

a terrible mistake cost me my dreams

inside I'm dying, filled with screams

it is this day Christmas 08

I knowingly choose to change my fate

no longer will I bother you

with idle threats of love so true

I will cease to be in your life

just as you've chosen not to be my wife

I don't like it, it shatters my dreams

but I have no thread left holding my seams

rather than staying the rug on the floor

I stand, a man, and walk out the door

I wanted to fill a box with a ring

but you've made it clear that's not the right thing

I'm sorry I wasted so much of your time

with my problems unending and these silly rhymes

instead all I have is this here note

the tears are pouring, they'd fill a moat

I wipe them away and stand once more

over broken dreams I walk to the door

as I walk I glance back

so uncertain of what I lack

matter it doesn't because this here door

WILL BE CLOSED. WILL BE LOCKED. WILL BE OPEN NO MORE

True Joy

I'll be happy once I've done this certain thing.

We all say this often not realizing what it brings.

We look only to the future for our happiness.

Letting life slip through our fingers in its fullness.

Will we really feel complete when the task is done, 

or look back and see how we missed so much fun?

Self consumed so we can't see anything else, 

hurting those we love as well as ourselves.

So many things around us to be grateful for, 

when seeking for an answer willingly open the door.

So often, others see what's in front of our face, 

but we're too blind to look as we're snared in the race.

What is this life supposed to be about?

Is it money, fortune, fame, or a big house?

When speaking to a man on his dying bed, 

none of these answers are what he said.

Family, love, laughter are what we should seek.

These are the precious things right outside your door.

Keep On Smiling

If at times you feel you want to cry.

And life seems such a trial.

Above the clouds there’s a bright blue sky 

So make your tears a smile. 

As you travel on life’s way 

With its many ups and downs 

Remember it’s quite true to say 

One smile is worth a dozen frowns. 

Among the worlds expensive things 

A smile is very cheap 

And when you give a smile away, 

You get one back to keep. 

Happiness comes at times to all 

But sadness comes unbidden 

And sometimes a few tears must fall 

Among the laughter hidden. 

So when friends have sadness on their face 

And troubles round them piled 

The world will seem a better place 

And all because you smiled.