I'll keep it hidden

My world is falling, crumbling apart, life is meaningless and that's just the start
My hearts so sore, I can feel it breaking and I swear to god it leaves me shaking
Late at night till early in the morning, lying in bed eyes wide open. Didn't sleep last night, like all the others, instead I just lie crying in the covers
Quick, wipe away all the tears before they come near. must hide this depression & the feelings of fear
For all they know I'm happy and always smiling, but deep inside my soul is dying
I can feel it rotting, it wants to scream, but I won't let it... not for the time being
I can never tell them how I feel cause the happiness I wear to them is real
For them to hear that I wish I was dead... it would kill them, they'd be filled with dread
So I'll try my best no to be selfish, I'll keep my secret hidden and just let them rest
but god I can't take it much longer... I'll probably be dead before they even wonder.

24 Hours

Another 24 hours poured into the cement

Living through another's persons regrets..

Just one piece of a puzzle, too big to comprehend

Cant see the end, left the lights on again

In the past, the future looked too close to hold..

And now the present seems like it's too close and cold

Inside myself looking out; it all seems fake

Whatever motivates, the day puts it away

Used to be apathetic, loved the only one living

I'm speaking to the world, but I'm the only one in it

Your eyes couldn't watch the way the world spins

I'll sit there and watch on the day the world ends

If its burns then, and flows in the wind

I'll hold what I learned and start it over again

Because who knows if your steps are planned out..

I feel lost, and no body's there to stick a hand out;

A man now.. because I felt too strong

And I feel like I lived with my self too long

This isn't the right time or place for these words

We don't have the right kind of space for these birds

If we all could fly, If we all could cry

Everybody would laugh, and we all would die

The sky hangs over my head, I can feel the weight

Conceal my fate, and let me just deal with hate

I lost compassion, everything's cold when its near us

I spend to much time with my soul in this mirror.

Lost

What do you call it when all you feel is pain?
When your loved ones look at you and all you feel is shame?
When your tired of living and playing this game?
when you know your life is meaningless and your the only one to blame?

What do you call it when the hurt is in your soul?
When you smile and laugh but you know its all a show?
When you feel like you've hit your all time low?
When nothing makes you happy and the darkness around you grows?

What do you call it when you feel so alone?
When your in your house but it don't feel like home?
When you look back in your life and every choice you made now seems wrong?
When the wait to die seems too long.

When i look at you

All day I can’t help but thinking of you.

You don’t have to say a word I just want to be with you,

When I look at you, you make me smile 

My friends think I’m crazy all I think is WOW,

When I look at you chills run through my spine,

I always thought you were beautiful and fine,

My life has changed ever since I saw you,

which makes me want to be with you, 

looking at you is more than a dream come true,

words can’t explain of how I feel about you

Just Because

Just because I'm quiet 

doesn't mean I'm mute

Doesn't mean I'm boring

Doesn't mean I can't be outgoing

Just because I'm quiet 

Don't make fun of me 

Don't judge how I am 

Don't treat me like an animal

Just Because I'm quiet

I still want make friends

Still love to have conversations

Still want to share thoughts

Just because I'm quiet 

Doesn't mean that's me

Feel Something

Have you ever held in pain to the point where it seemed like you didn't care? 
you could've sworn you were crying, 
but when you went to wipe tears away there was nothing there? 
Going through life empty. 
Just letting the world pass you by. 
Numb to any feelings, 
just wishing you could die. 
See I feel like this daily. 
so lost I don’t know what to feel. 
When in fact I do feel pain, I cant believe that it’s real. 
so as I lay my head down tonight, 
I close my eyes and pray. 
I pray that God will give me guidance & to maybe feel someday

A trip to heaven

I took a trip to heaven

But only in my mind

I wanted to know what it's like

To leave all you love behind.

So I closed my eyes, and started to see

Just how beautiful heaven can be.

I could see the pearly gates of white

and behind them was the most radiant light.

I saw an angel as she was passing by

so incredibly beautiful that a tear fell from my eye.

Everyone looked perfect and with the angels they did sing

There are no earthly words to describe the beauty of their wings.

As I sat on a bench in the most incredible garden

I asked God for all of my sins to be pardoned

I took one last look at all of the beauty around

And when I opened my eyes, i couldn't find my angle beside

Merry Christmas to all my Christian friends 

You .. Take me There

As I search for your Saving grace, I know one day I'll see your face.
Waiting is the hardest thing for me, I know with you I will be so free.
You take me up and lay me back down, I know with you I am and will be found.
I seek you each day and seek your name, I am nothing without you or your Fame.
Waking with you, you give me power, To make it another day and another hour.
Learning your word is oh so smart, I love you Lord with all my heart.
You gave up for me all your life, We could not stop all the strife.
Everyday I will always say, I long to return to you one day.
Love me Lord and keep me strong, Without you I can never get alone.
So hear my prayers as bring me peace, My sins Oh Lord will slowly cease.
My heart is heavy and I am weak, You love is strong as you speak.
Keep me safe at comforts arms, Give me grace without any harm.
Give me eternity and take me home, That day I will never be alone.

Look beyond yourself

We’re in a world so busy, People running everywhere.
Forever looking at our watches
Our minds racing with cares.
We never see that lonely man, Sitting on the street.
We don’t even notice that hungry lady, Struggling in the heat.
Children so needy
Filled with despair.
An old grandma rocking sadly, And no one cares.
We must remember, God left us with a bless …
“you did unto the least of these my brethren, you did it unto me.”
So what about you ?
What about me ?
What about the lonely man Sitting on the street ?
Will you reach out
Without a shadow of doubt?
Will you love the least of these, And fulfill Gd’ bless ?
A smile for the lonely man sitting on the street.
A bit of food for the hungry lady struggling in the heat.
A hug for the children so full of despair.
A cheery voice for the old Grandma in the rocking chair.
This seems so simple; Such an easy thing to do.
Let’s reach out for the least of these
And for God too.

Is it Me .!

As I try to change,

you never see me,

I stare at you,

but you never look at me,

how stupid can I be?,

all the songs I listen to,

always remind me when there was a me & you,

things were not like they were before,

How you wouldn't even turn your head and recognize me anymore,

Even though you let me go,

there's just one thing that you should know,

When you get another girl to forget about me,

now your the one who's going to be staring at me,

watch you'll see .!

Is it Me .!

just my mask

Of course I'm fine, why do you ask?
Oh don't mind this, it's just my mask.
It hides the grief, it hides the strife,
I wear this mask, to escape the knife.
Don't forget this, my pain is real,
I'm not lying, this is how I feel.
You sit there saying, it can't be true,
it is for me, just not for you.
You say my heart, must be a sight,
cold as ice, and black as night.
It's not my heart, only my soul,
but killing me, must be your goal.
You're getting close, I hope you know,
you really don't, have far to go.
Soon enough, I'll reach my end,
you'll have my soul, to tear and rend.
But you don't know, you never ask,
you never look, beyond the mask.
The look on my face, is giving me away,
I wonder now, what you will say?
You've asked me here, you'll know now,
I'll take it off, I'll take a bow...
I can't do it now, tell you the truth,
I must keep up, my pretense of youth.
"Of course I'm fine, why do you ask?
Oh don't mind this, it's just my mask"

Loneliness

Loneliness is real
It is not a joke
I struggle and cry
And even start to choke
I can't seem to distinguish what's real anymore
Everywhere I go people treat me like some whore
I just sit here
and wait for tomorrow to appear
Every morning I awake
Wondering why I have not done it 
The decision that I have to make
I don't think I can take it anymore
when will this torment end?
I know I've felt it before
The trust that someone will have to lend
My life is in danger
Help me before it's too late
Or will I surrender to my anger
And arrive to school late?
My choice is made
My choice is final
It's not something you can trade
It's something that will forever remind you
How much loneliness can hurt.

You will never change

Nothing pricks me more,
Than to know you'll never change.
Promises made galore,
To this lover now deranged.
My heart extends in constant hopes,
That one day you can be,
A better man for you, yourself,
A better man for me.
I know that deep inside
You wish,
you wish you could pretend,
To be the person from which you hide,
The guy you should have been.
I root for you,
Don't think i don't.
Don't think I'd let you down.
If not many fans within the crowd,
Still there i can be found.
But nothing pricks me more 
than to know you'll never change.
Tell me wheres the willingness?
What are you willing to release?
The pride before fall,
Or the crash that will proceed?
I want to hold you in my arms,
Knowing you're a better man.
To keep me safe in your arms,
But the harmer's intertwined with my hands.
Maybe single handedly i should run,
As though this race has just begun.
Let you go hand and hand
With that on which your life depends...
Your pride...
It ll always turn on he who is its owner,
Considering him not much more than a donor...
But you're willing to
Forsake my love.
Nothing pricks my heart more than knowing you'll never change

I apologize

At times I hurt you with my doubts
To the point that you think about walking out.
It makes the tears roll down my face
Because it scares me to lose what I can't replace.
I always let my past get in our future
Which causes doubts in my mind.
It stimulates my speculations
And I believe that you're like the other kind.
I'm not realizing that I'm pushing you away
While all along I just need you to stay.
My life without you is like a pen with no ink.
So useless, unmarkable, 
How could I think?
You make me light up like the sun's ray.
Just knowing that I have you gets me 
Through the day.
I need you in my life; 
You may not think it's true.
My heart is owned to your name
Because I love you.
Please forgive me for my despise
I'll never do it again; I apologize.

World is a stage;whose stage?

Am drifting through life in a scooter
speed just slow enough to see all
and pace long enough to scan the whole hall,
i know what i see may cost me life
and what i choose may cause me strife
but so is life many choices,full of jelly and tar!
Am drifting through while near the edge
who thought my edges would waft this high
and failing to take chances would bring this big why,
i knew there was a life to live tomorrow
and penalties would chase into the extra time i borrow
but blindly i cuddled my own wisdom,'am that new sage'!
my joys are running low, i still have morsels to share
many are drifting too,i can see in their eyes me too
and that ignorance is like to drift is also true
with discernment i make true decision
to always ask the right way to plant a damaged scion!

lightining

If you sleep as you close your eyes

As both your mind and the light dies

You will see this face...

When the rain starts to fall

When the thunders begin to roll

You will see this face...

I am the disturbance when you can't concentrate

I am the only thing to see when you hallucinate

You will see this face...

When the fire scatters around the whole place

When you are in the middle, full of disgrace

You will see this face...

When the lightning strikes and flashes

And feel fear that you can't express

You will see this face...

If this world begins to crumble and sink today

When the music of laments starts to play

You will see this face...

When angels and demons go to war

Look into the horizon, there's something so far

You will see this face...

When everything faces its own degeneration

And when hell collides to heaven

You will see this face...

You Pushed Me To The Edge

You made me doubt myself
my appearance
my ways
you pointed every single flaw that i had out to me
you made me hate myself
i woke up everyday hoping i wasn't myself
i stayed up at night hoping i wouldn't wake up 2 more of your painful words
I believed i was a screw up
a mistake
a freak of a kid
that i was unwanted
i wanted to just die
you pushed me to the edge
You ruined our family
you made all three of you daughters hate you
you cause mom to go into depression
you caused me to go into depression
you made me believe i was crazy
that i belonged in a mental institution
you made me feel unloved and unwanted
i stopped believing in trust
in love
in a family
you pushed me to the edge
and for that i hate you!

Do i knew You !!

How could you do this? I should have known something was amiss. You abused my trust With one thrust Of a dagger sharpened by lies I want to know why. I trusted you Did I ever really know you? Who are you to do this? I now see what all was amiss. You are not a true friend. I am bringing this to an end. I hope you see how I feel For now the betrayal is forever sealed

Curiosity

A hundred years hence your a dusted relic in a photo album Seeing the light of day when recalled on a cold machine As some byte grown out of some fond curiosity By a future relative looking up your family tree. When you lived you lived a life full of wonder and joy. You accomplished it all: the kids, the house, the gold. You walked on the grandest yellow brick road But now your a dusted relic in a photo album. They read you, your accomplishments, your dreams The places you got your kicks, your habits, your hangouts, Nights at the opera, even your checkered past; But now you see the light of day when recalled on a cold machine. Your in remembrance now, stuck in some overgrown musty grave, With an inscription: He came, He went, He gave How they sneered at you under the dusty desert sky; Now your just a computer byte brought out for their fond curiosity. They looked back, dug up their roots, even left you alone for years. Yet here you are on some tree chart, with a grand old smile and a bib around your neck; You look silly, but what do you know? they know it all! Your just a relic to a future relative looking up their family tree. Do not despair, old soul that once called earth home, No, do not despair! You found your resting place beyond this grave. If only you knew how they envy you now, for they never rest of their despair, They hold all your old fears, a hundred years hence They too are a dusted relic brought out by some fond curiosity.

Th Woman Of My Dreams

I know that she has told me lies, but I still think of her when I close my eyes. 
I know I'm not the best she'll do, I still don't care my love is true. 
I want to give her all I can, I want to have her, to hold her hand. 
I see her in my dreams at night, to live without her is a constant fight. 
I see her live without a care while I sit dying it isn't fair. 
I fear that I will never move on, while this girl my eyes remain fixed upon. 
I love her completely and without exception,
for her I would die, a deadly transaction. 
My heart is hers whether she wants it or not, 
while I'm without her my soul will rot. 
I'll die alone or so it seems, I'll never be happy without the woman of my dreams.

What love is !!!!

Love is a burning candle
It's not always easy to handle
It burns, but it's still beautiful
And it makes celebrations oh so meaningful
It's a sunset
Burning with romance
A song...
That makes you want to dance...

She will never know !!

When did my feelings get so deep
Why did they take that big long leap
Going from friend to crush 
What a rush
And I don't think she knows
Since when did her smile make me go weak
Since when did her tears make mine start to leak
Why does this happen when I'm always so strong
When people called me Superman I guess they were wrong
And I don't think she knows
When she talks I cant help but watch her lips
To notice their shape and curves when they dip
Wait, why am I looking? I don't even know
And I cant help but wonder if she even knows
Her beautiful eyes are nothing like ours
They're so deep and bright you'd believe they were stars
They pour forth emotions in raging rivers
They could make even me believe that Santa always delivers
And still she has no idea
Her body is perfection though she denies it
It makes my head spin with every glance I give
She could put any man under her spell
But she doesn't know how I feel and I don't think I'll tell
I love how she looks and who she is
And how she makes me feel like this
I love how she's beautiful and smart with a heart so strong
And how she lives every day like nothing could go wrong
Still she hasn't got a clue
Now school is at an end on the 11th at noon
I wonder if she cares that I'm moving soon
We're parting that day after schools many months
I just wish I could have kissed her just once
Now that I've said it with my poetic skill 
I don't think she knew, and now she never will

Is there life after love !!!

My heart has been broken by someone I love, 
how to forget is a gift from above. 
You did what you did for reasons unknown 
and all the while I was cut to the bone. 
The wound is now healing but the scars will remain, 
how do I continue and still feel the same.. 
Being true to oneself is all that it takes 
to realize where we have made mistakes, 
Should I go or should I stay 
as Ill always wonder what happened that day. 
Is there life after love, 
does anyone know 
or just memories of feelings that have been torn away. 
How do I close my eyes to the fact that you will throw me away on the strength of a shag!