Before

before the bullet it bit
before the candle is lit
before the last call
before the curtain falls
before the grave we pray
there is something I must say
before taps is played
before the jazz parade
before 21 guns sound
before the final round
before the fiddler we pay
this I must convey
before the sweet by and by
before the tears we cry
before the bells are rung
before the reaper come
before angles wing
I have to tell you 
everything....everything...everything

The Reality Of Life

A candle light burning inside of me 

shadows bowing upon the walls illuminating us all

the laughter the pain 

what do I gain?

the knowledge I seek 

this era of mystique 

the pink hues 

the pretty blues

the devils red 

I will not be misled

the angels white 

will set me aright 

knowing every second is a certainty 

to I will cease to shine 

and darkness will befall 

in a form different from all

makes me ponder

how do I live to the fullest?

how do I be the bravest?

understanding is the key!

living with no regrets is the door! 

open your mind 

Look! Don't merely see

the ocean is not just water 

a candle is not mere light

it's not limitless 

it's not endless 

for light is life and

life is certain to meet death 

on this sacred journey called 

LIFE

PEACE!

Deep breaths and pain inside,
Hard to tell the truth when there's so many lies!
Whispers of secrets in my ear,
Hoping that no one could hear.
And I'm crying actual tears.
I feel hurt, pressured and strained.
Everybody cant feel my type of pain.
And this might really sound lame.
But life isn't nothing but a game.
Do you feel what I feel NO!
I wish I could let it all go.
But it really isn't that easy.
Have you ever had to sit in the cold freezing.
Wanting to be awaken by a special healing.
Just let pain go freely.
Too bad nothing in this world is free.
Not even your freedom of speech.
So i'll do like Martin Luther King.
I'll let freedom ring.

She looks in the mirror

She looks in the mirror

And see's someone staring straight back at her

A lost little girl

With cold hard eyes

And no expression on her face

Trying to cover up the pain she feels

A lost little girl

With too much anger inside of her too control

So she takes it out on everyone around her

Because she can't stop herself

A tear falls from her eye

Realizing that this lost little girl

Who is staring back at her

Is in fact herself

Her reflection

So wiping her tears away

She steps closer to the mirror

Looks herself in the eyes

And whispers to herself

" Who have I become !! "

I'll keep it hidden

My world is falling, crumbling apart, life is meaningless and that's just the start
My hearts so sore, I can feel it breaking and I swear to god it leaves me shaking
Late at night till early in the morning, lying in bed eyes wide open. Didn't sleep last night, like all the others, instead I just lie crying in the covers
Quick, wipe away all the tears before they come near. must hide this depression & the feelings of fear
For all they know I'm happy and always smiling, but deep inside my soul is dying
I can feel it rotting, it wants to scream, but I won't let it... not for the time being
I can never tell them how I feel cause the happiness I wear to them is real
For them to hear that I wish I was dead... it would kill them, they'd be filled with dread
So I'll try my best no to be selfish, I'll keep my secret hidden and just let them rest
but god I can't take it much longer... I'll probably be dead before they even wonder.

24 Hours

Another 24 hours poured into the cement

Living through another's persons regrets..

Just one piece of a puzzle, too big to comprehend

Cant see the end, left the lights on again

In the past, the future looked too close to hold..

And now the present seems like it's too close and cold

Inside myself looking out; it all seems fake

Whatever motivates, the day puts it away

Used to be apathetic, loved the only one living

I'm speaking to the world, but I'm the only one in it

Your eyes couldn't watch the way the world spins

I'll sit there and watch on the day the world ends

If its burns then, and flows in the wind

I'll hold what I learned and start it over again

Because who knows if your steps are planned out..

I feel lost, and no body's there to stick a hand out;

A man now.. because I felt too strong

And I feel like I lived with my self too long

This isn't the right time or place for these words

We don't have the right kind of space for these birds

If we all could fly, If we all could cry

Everybody would laugh, and we all would die

The sky hangs over my head, I can feel the weight

Conceal my fate, and let me just deal with hate

I lost compassion, everything's cold when its near us

I spend to much time with my soul in this mirror.

Lost

What do you call it when all you feel is pain?
When your loved ones look at you and all you feel is shame?
When your tired of living and playing this game?
when you know your life is meaningless and your the only one to blame?

What do you call it when the hurt is in your soul?
When you smile and laugh but you know its all a show?
When you feel like you've hit your all time low?
When nothing makes you happy and the darkness around you grows?

What do you call it when you feel so alone?
When your in your house but it don't feel like home?
When you look back in your life and every choice you made now seems wrong?
When the wait to die seems too long.

When i look at you

All day I can’t help but thinking of you.

You don’t have to say a word I just want to be with you,

When I look at you, you make me smile 

My friends think I’m crazy all I think is WOW,

When I look at you chills run through my spine,

I always thought you were beautiful and fine,

My life has changed ever since I saw you,

which makes me want to be with you, 

looking at you is more than a dream come true,

words can’t explain of how I feel about you

Just Because

Just because I'm quiet 

doesn't mean I'm mute

Doesn't mean I'm boring

Doesn't mean I can't be outgoing

Just because I'm quiet 

Don't make fun of me 

Don't judge how I am 

Don't treat me like an animal

Just Because I'm quiet

I still want make friends

Still love to have conversations

Still want to share thoughts

Just because I'm quiet 

Doesn't mean that's me

Feel Something

Have you ever held in pain to the point where it seemed like you didn't care? 
you could've sworn you were crying, 
but when you went to wipe tears away there was nothing there? 
Going through life empty. 
Just letting the world pass you by. 
Numb to any feelings, 
just wishing you could die. 
See I feel like this daily. 
so lost I don’t know what to feel. 
When in fact I do feel pain, I cant believe that it’s real. 
so as I lay my head down tonight, 
I close my eyes and pray. 
I pray that God will give me guidance & to maybe feel someday

A trip to heaven

I took a trip to heaven

But only in my mind

I wanted to know what it's like

To leave all you love behind.

So I closed my eyes, and started to see

Just how beautiful heaven can be.

I could see the pearly gates of white

and behind them was the most radiant light.

I saw an angel as she was passing by

so incredibly beautiful that a tear fell from my eye.

Everyone looked perfect and with the angels they did sing

There are no earthly words to describe the beauty of their wings.

As I sat on a bench in the most incredible garden

I asked God for all of my sins to be pardoned

I took one last look at all of the beauty around

And when I opened my eyes, i couldn't find my angle beside

Merry Christmas to all my Christian friends 

You .. Take me There

As I search for your Saving grace, I know one day I'll see your face.
Waiting is the hardest thing for me, I know with you I will be so free.
You take me up and lay me back down, I know with you I am and will be found.
I seek you each day and seek your name, I am nothing without you or your Fame.
Waking with you, you give me power, To make it another day and another hour.
Learning your word is oh so smart, I love you Lord with all my heart.
You gave up for me all your life, We could not stop all the strife.
Everyday I will always say, I long to return to you one day.
Love me Lord and keep me strong, Without you I can never get alone.
So hear my prayers as bring me peace, My sins Oh Lord will slowly cease.
My heart is heavy and I am weak, You love is strong as you speak.
Keep me safe at comforts arms, Give me grace without any harm.
Give me eternity and take me home, That day I will never be alone.

Look beyond yourself

We’re in a world so busy, People running everywhere.
Forever looking at our watches
Our minds racing with cares.
We never see that lonely man, Sitting on the street.
We don’t even notice that hungry lady, Struggling in the heat.
Children so needy
Filled with despair.
An old grandma rocking sadly, And no one cares.
We must remember, God left us with a bless …
“you did unto the least of these my brethren, you did it unto me.”
So what about you ?
What about me ?
What about the lonely man Sitting on the street ?
Will you reach out
Without a shadow of doubt?
Will you love the least of these, And fulfill Gd’ bless ?
A smile for the lonely man sitting on the street.
A bit of food for the hungry lady struggling in the heat.
A hug for the children so full of despair.
A cheery voice for the old Grandma in the rocking chair.
This seems so simple; Such an easy thing to do.
Let’s reach out for the least of these
And for God too.

Is it Me .!

As I try to change,

you never see me,

I stare at you,

but you never look at me,

how stupid can I be?,

all the songs I listen to,

always remind me when there was a me & you,

things were not like they were before,

How you wouldn't even turn your head and recognize me anymore,

Even though you let me go,

there's just one thing that you should know,

When you get another girl to forget about me,

now your the one who's going to be staring at me,

watch you'll see .!

Is it Me .!

just my mask

Of course I'm fine, why do you ask?
Oh don't mind this, it's just my mask.
It hides the grief, it hides the strife,
I wear this mask, to escape the knife.
Don't forget this, my pain is real,
I'm not lying, this is how I feel.
You sit there saying, it can't be true,
it is for me, just not for you.
You say my heart, must be a sight,
cold as ice, and black as night.
It's not my heart, only my soul,
but killing me, must be your goal.
You're getting close, I hope you know,
you really don't, have far to go.
Soon enough, I'll reach my end,
you'll have my soul, to tear and rend.
But you don't know, you never ask,
you never look, beyond the mask.
The look on my face, is giving me away,
I wonder now, what you will say?
You've asked me here, you'll know now,
I'll take it off, I'll take a bow...
I can't do it now, tell you the truth,
I must keep up, my pretense of youth.
"Of course I'm fine, why do you ask?
Oh don't mind this, it's just my mask"

Loneliness

Loneliness is real
It is not a joke
I struggle and cry
And even start to choke
I can't seem to distinguish what's real anymore
Everywhere I go people treat me like some whore
I just sit here
and wait for tomorrow to appear
Every morning I awake
Wondering why I have not done it 
The decision that I have to make
I don't think I can take it anymore
when will this torment end?
I know I've felt it before
The trust that someone will have to lend
My life is in danger
Help me before it's too late
Or will I surrender to my anger
And arrive to school late?
My choice is made
My choice is final
It's not something you can trade
It's something that will forever remind you
How much loneliness can hurt.

You will never change

Nothing pricks me more,
Than to know you'll never change.
Promises made galore,
To this lover now deranged.
My heart extends in constant hopes,
That one day you can be,
A better man for you, yourself,
A better man for me.
I know that deep inside
You wish,
you wish you could pretend,
To be the person from which you hide,
The guy you should have been.
I root for you,
Don't think i don't.
Don't think I'd let you down.
If not many fans within the crowd,
Still there i can be found.
But nothing pricks me more 
than to know you'll never change.
Tell me wheres the willingness?
What are you willing to release?
The pride before fall,
Or the crash that will proceed?
I want to hold you in my arms,
Knowing you're a better man.
To keep me safe in your arms,
But the harmer's intertwined with my hands.
Maybe single handedly i should run,
As though this race has just begun.
Let you go hand and hand
With that on which your life depends...
Your pride...
It ll always turn on he who is its owner,
Considering him not much more than a donor...
But you're willing to
Forsake my love.
Nothing pricks my heart more than knowing you'll never change

I apologize

At times I hurt you with my doubts
To the point that you think about walking out.
It makes the tears roll down my face
Because it scares me to lose what I can't replace.
I always let my past get in our future
Which causes doubts in my mind.
It stimulates my speculations
And I believe that you're like the other kind.
I'm not realizing that I'm pushing you away
While all along I just need you to stay.
My life without you is like a pen with no ink.
So useless, unmarkable, 
How could I think?
You make me light up like the sun's ray.
Just knowing that I have you gets me 
Through the day.
I need you in my life; 
You may not think it's true.
My heart is owned to your name
Because I love you.
Please forgive me for my despise
I'll never do it again; I apologize.