The right words..

It's so hard,
To choose the right word,
Explaining how I feel,
My mouth has a shield,
It won't tell you,
It doesn't know how to,
It won't let you in,
My emotions within,
So I hide,
I know that isn't right,
But I need to show,
I need you to know,
I need to spill,
And when I can,
I will. 

Trust..

To touch and be touched is perhaps the most human thing we do.
It can provoke many emotions.
Those who have been hurt, fear it; and want to run away.
Run away from the terror, the abuse, the roughness... In running away, we feel safe.
Safe from being hurt again... Safe from feeling... But oh so alone...
We have lost trust... the trust we had as a child.
Each time we are hurt, it becomes harder to trust in another. Trusting that, in reaching out, we won't be hurt again.
But without trust, there can be no peace..
If there is no peace, there will always be a longing. Something missing...
In peace, we can be alone if we wish or we can reach out and soak in the goodness of touching
and being touched by another. Both are good.
When we can trust in another:
Their touch calms us... soothes us... quiets our fears.
That bond of trust, born from gentle touch, allows each to be at peace.
It allows each to gather strength from the other.
Some find that animals fill their need to touch. A dog's trust is unconditional.
It will follow you where ever you go and protect you with it's life.
All it wants in return is your touch, your affection.. Your caress.
A caress is a special kind of touch.. It is born of love and mutual trust.
A trust that allows us to stand on our own, even when the other isn't there.
Trusting that, if we call, the other will respond. Without fear... Without questioning... Simply because we called.. A friend, a lover..
In quietly caressing and being caressed we gain strength.
nothing calms faster...
the child in all of us.
the need in all of us..
The human in all of us.
more than exchanging trust.

Never dream.

They told me..." You’ll never dream again"
They told me... And I kept a tear in my eyes
"You’ll never dream again" 
All was said
I stopped .. 
"You’ll never dream again"
Chill enveloped me
I misunderstood
"You'll never dream again, give up.!!"
I smiled and replied...
I may not dream again... But I live more now.

Missing kiss

A kiss is not just a kiss;
A kiss is love.
For a kiss means I breathe for you; and you breathe for me.
This means we can't live without each other.
So a kiss is not just a kiss.
A kiss is me loving you

Apologize..!

Sorry 
if i invaded your mind and wanted it to be mine..
If i forced you to drink my wine and it couldn 't make you fine..
If i dimmed your world by my absence and filled it with dins..
If i wasn't the lovely jade and i couldn't be the fake...
if I baptized your soul by my holiness blesses and it couldn’t protect you from your own devil ..
If i cursed you with my faith, when i tried to ravel your vicious spell..
If i distorted your structure when i replaced your claws with pure wings to blow and it couldn 't turn you into an angel ..
Sorry
If i made you struggle.. in a world full of pretenders.
If i believed that, its hard to find the relief and ran to my world to hide..
If i had to leave, and let all our dreams behind..
If i had to deport you from heaven and let you alone in forbidden kingdom.
If i had to renounce your bonds, and i couldn't revive my vows..
Sorry
for my sorrows cause i gave all my raving passions’s gist, and asked you to be my everything.
but you requited me as if its lavish unbearable guilt, for anyone can ever felt.

Start to hate being me.

Should I stop giving and break up with living
should I give up forgiving
should I deport my angles and invite my demons
should I look behind the portrait not at the sight..
should I leave
Should I stop to believe
should I hurt and ignore the heart
should I betray and be the smart
should I know how to play
Should I stop obey
should I love myself a little bit more than the others..
should I be selfish styled by devilish..
shouldn't I stop being a human..! !
should I be a phenomenon..! !
I think i should stop thinking
I shouldn't be myself
I should be like everybody else..!

Netherlands

I want to go to
Netherlands and see
The other side of the world also 

November dreams...

White sandy beaches, Warm blue waters,
Lush green palm trees, A quiet place to be,
Sitting there, just you and me.
Yellow warmth of sun, Red hot heat of love,
Inky blackness of night, Stars overhead a silvery light,
Making love, just you and me.
Umbrella drinks, And holding hands,
Soft kisses and gentle sighs, Cloudless deep skies,
Together forever, just you and I.
Liquid warmth, Washing in slow,
Gritty sand below, Hand in hand we know,
Hearts as one, just you and I.
Glittery light, To mark our way,
Echoes of time, The end of today, With the moon over the sea,
Never more in love, just you and me.
Soft ocean breezes, White capped waves,
Tears of joy in my eye, With the moon over high,
No one else in the world, just you and I. 

Silence prayer.

The coolest thing in kneeling to god, is that you whispering your prayers into the ground. And it's heard by he who in the sky.. O God.. 

If you had a rose for every sorry, you'd have to picke a whole field.

My love for her will last forever,  
Her skin against mine as soft as a feather,
This love can last threw any weather.
Her hands in mine,
Fingers tangled like twin, Hands running through hair,
Trying to make Her aware, Of how much I love her,
Me and her together all night, Holding her so very tight,
and when I'm with her,
Everything seems all right,
Her beauty shines,
Like the brightest light.
She made my heart soar like a kite,  
And fly like a bird,
My heart so high,
But when She said those Words my heart fell straight outta the sky,
Why did She have to hide or lie,
Why did She have to make me sigh, cry, and want to die.
My heart hit the ground, pieces flew all around.
She smashed it to dust,  And left me to rust
You put my heart back together,
You promised me,
You would be with me forever. 

Confusion

Have you ever been in a state of confusion.!!
In which all your emotions set the illusion,
That you don't know how you're feeling and you don't know what you want.!
Even if you don't realize it it's terrible when it's you those bad thoughts haunt,
In my opinion confusion is far worse than pain,
Trying to figure it out could definitely cause great strain,
Sitting and wondering what to do or what the confusion is about,
To me not knowing makes me afraid of what I may find out,
I'm not saying I can't handle what's dealt to me but still I can't say I like it,
The best I can do is try to ignore my feelings otherwise I'd have a fit,
I'm pretty sure this feeling has happened to almost everybody,
Confusion of your feelings or whatever it may be,
But I hope not too often or some may end up just like me... 

Abandonment

Some people say 'Things will get better!,
As far as I'm concerned my eyes will just get wetter,
The tears that fall are often mis_shed,
At least that's what I think when I lie my head...
Others say 'Life's good, don't be a bust',
But when you're ignored so often that it's hard to trust...
There's not often something to help the lust...
That I have to be important in this world when I'm less than dust...
No matter what people say trying to convince me,
In my own life that I'm 'The Key',
I respond with 'Then I'm the key without a lock,
Because no matter what I'm behind the 'flock' '...
Every time I find someone important, to an extent,
I know I'm always gunna' end up with abandonment

Day dream door

Once a day and sometimes more
I look out my day dream door
I wished you to come to me in my dreams, and then by day I shall be well again.
For then the night will more than pay... The hopeless longing of the day. 
Inside of me there is snow melting down, and lots of mud and slush around, 
I know the grass will surely sprout and birds and flowers will come about.
But why oh why does it take so long.?
I'm sure the calendar can't be wrong.
Someday Sunshine will fill my heart with cheer
I wish that winter are really here.
Wake up.! 
close the door.!

Good night.! !!!! !!!

I think of my loved one as a shining star,
Looking down with tenderness from afar.
I'm never alone as long as I believe
There are blessings here for me to receive.

Too much pride leads nowhere.!

Behind the facade of our big egos we constantly do hide
And pride of five letters is only that just pride
And some will even tell you pride comes before a fall
From life we have been learning from before we learned to crawl,
The thing we refer to as pride not easily understood
A little pride is necessary but too much pride not good
Pride can lead to big egos and snobbish self conceit
A truly humble person is one you don't often meet
The self opinionated and self conceited never known to be rare
Those who promote their egos in the bigger World out there
From the seeds of a big ego success is often grown
A humble quiet achiever is one I have not known
A little pride is necessary and self esteem okay
But too much pride can lead to arrogance and that seems sad to say,

Your strength..

 As long as you think I am, Then I shall forever be,
For I am everything for you, I am what you make of me.
I am no longer who I was, For you turned my life around,
You hold me tight to my sanity, And keep my feet upon the ground.
When the world begins to spin, And daylight turns to night,
I know your love surrounds me, And I know I'll be all right.
And when my sun refuses to shine, And there are no stars up in my sky,
You'll be the anchor to my sailing ship or spread my wings and help me fly.
When my world has no direction and I know not where to turn,
You'll be my shelter in the storm of life's hard lessons learned.
When the colors of my rainbow become black and white as I feel,
I know I can count on you to remind me of what is real.
for you ...
You are the breath I breathe whenever I start to drown,
You are the one who finds me when I'm no where to be found.
Without you I am nothing for you are everything to me,
You are the force that sustains me and gives me life eternally.
Where ever I walk in this world you are always at my side,
Never would you let me give up without ever having tried.
For this and many more.. I give my thanks to you,
For without you beside me I could never see this through.
As long as you are with me I will survive this time,
You lend to me your strength.. And help me to make it mine.

I will never walk alone again

One day I found myself.. standing at the edge of good-bye, looking over the canyon of my life
Waiting there to die.
I felt so lost and empty inside.. alone, like no one would care, No one in my life to love.. My heart filled with despair.
I stood at the very edge..  and lifted my face up to the sky, I stood there at that very edge..  and prayed to God I'd die.
Everywhere I seemed to turn.. 
My life filled up with pain,
My days were filled with agony
My nights fell down like rain.
The only arms to hold me.. Belonged to this body of mine, I curled hard within myself..  to my empty heart I was resigned.
And then one day as I sat.. curled tight and all alone.. I felt a warmth stirring, that turned my heart from stone.
This light shone down on me.. And warmed my very soul, It brought a love into my heart.. and made me feel whole.
I felt two arms encompass me and lift me to my feet, this love that spoke to me.. said we would not accept defeat.
Together we will face this world.. and all it brings our way, no longer will you walk alone.. for life starts anew this day.
From now on when you need shelter from this storm of life, I'll be the one to hold you.. for I want you for my life.
When you need love and comfort.. I'll be there to light your way, Just let my arms protect you.. and I'll be here every day.
Never will you be cold or feel lost or all alone.
Just let my love surround you for my love is deeper than you've known.
And with her declaration of this love so grand,
I felt my heart begin to thaw as I began to understand.
No longer would I walk as one or face this world alone, for with this love she gave to me.. I am more loved than I've ever known.
And now when I stand at that edge.. and stare out over all I see, I know I'll never be afraid for I feel her love surrounding me.
She'll keep me safe from harm and love me unconditionally, And all I need to do in return
Is let her give her love to me.
Though she asks for nothing in return
I gladly give her my heart,
I will never walk alone again
For she resides within my heart..

blind souls

I hide me well, every day,
Forever in disguise I’ll stay.
I’ll smile away the tears that fall,
I’ll show no sign of weakness at all.

never let your ego, lead you to dead end.

Desiring things, decrease their occurrence in perception while potentially increasing
their occurrence in reality.. when there is a point where desireing and potentials gets dead end, and we start to no longer care.. take your time for in this game only death will win.

good day, good night and goodbye.

So naked I want you to stand in front of me
Full of hope and full of fear
Locked in my arms and you'll glow all the night
Loneliness... will no longer real
My breath caresses strands of your hair
My palms touches your hungry skin
It will be an evening of hurting hearts,
That life has put together.. to heal.