Lana.

Stand beside the grave where my only friend is laid, and 
Learn how quickly mortals fade, how the fairest flower must droop, how the strongest form must stoop,
Learn ... that we are but dust and clay, the short liv'd creatures of a day. Yet do not sigh for there is a clime,
Where they will dwell through endless time,
Who here on earth their Maker serve, and never from her precepts swerve.
The grave to her is but a road,
That leads her to that blest abode. 
Wait me there my only dear, for now my eyes full of tears.
Goodbye my love.
Monday, November 14, 2016

Missing

Even strength must bow to wisdom sometimes.. isn't .!

And still I'm keeping it

I promise to 
Give you a shoulder to lean on, A hand to guide your way, A whisper, a soft whisper that all is well, don't give up...
I promise that 
I will share my pain, laughter and joy. 
I will meet you halfway because I am your friend and your beloved .. and you are my friend and my woman on the road of our hard life.

millions.. not enough.

You can read a million books, Learn a millions lines, Close your eyes and wonder and forget it all a million times..
You can eat a millions foods, Drink a million wines
And still find yourself unsatisfied with your taste still undefined
You can hope a millions times and dream a million sheep, you can laugh as though it doesn’t bother you.. Even if a million nights .. you weep
You can sing a million notes,  practice a million ways.. And all it takes is one rejection to have you stop after just one day.
You can have a million lovers, search for a million hearts.. You can hold your breath and wonder and yet suffocate before it ever starts.
You can have a million lifetimes.. A million chances to succeeded, and yet if you never try just once to break the rules..  you will lose the meaning behind your royalty.

bad... bad life

A person maintains a balance of feeling... Some are destructive others giving healing
Some give great joy whereas others are sad... They can be good or painful and bad
A balance of life is there for us all... As we rise joyfully high then to depths we fall
We have these two huge extremes... To appreciate the opposite to me it seems
If we were never filled with good light... When the darkness falls we'd not fight
Opposites are always there and always kept... We've all experienced joy then to have wept
So next time it seems again all is sadly lost... And life's meaning and purpose has been tossed
Remember though bad the opposite's still near... Keep trying have faith and good will appear.

With no regret

The greater test in life is to wait for something maybe will lead you to your final destination with so much pleasure.. but the greatest is to be able to accept that you were waiting for nothing with no regrettably regret.. 
No matter how far we’ve gone, or how fast we go.
No matter how high we get, or even how low.
Life is a journey, fuelled by the heart.
Where the road to reality, is just where you start.
So first, we need to make the right choices,
As the decisions we make.
Decide our conditions, and paths that we take.
Because every living thing, has the potential for a destination.
Where fulfillment is critical, trumping expectation.
As long as you’re positive, we won’t drown in our debts.
So just live our life, with no, regrets.. andbe thankful for those precious moments we lived.

What is more acute.!!

What is more acute.!!
The joy of love accepted, or the pain of love rejected.!
The whole world seems like heaven, and the feeling within, seems more heavenly than the heaven itself.
Inside the corridor of my heart evergreen spring reigns forever.. Dear, It's all about the reason you said 'Yes'.
The fire of pain that keep burning inside me turning the core of my heart into ashes, Deep within my heart there is eternal emptiness, and dark loneliness is covering my 'self'
Eating into my secret soul.. Dear, It's all about the reason you said 'No'.
the point is.. The joy of first love, and the pain of first rejection,... Comes only once in a lifetime,
And the same cannot have the two feelings,
All at once.. Being one person and having one life. 
checkmate.!

The right words..

It's so hard,
To choose the right word,
Explaining how I feel,
My mouth has a shield,
It won't tell you,
It doesn't know how to,
It won't let you in,
My emotions within,
So I hide,
I know that isn't right,
But I need to show,
I need you to know,
I need to spill,
And when I can,
I will. 

Trust..

To touch and be touched is perhaps the most human thing we do.
It can provoke many emotions.
Those who have been hurt, fear it; and want to run away.
Run away from the terror, the abuse, the roughness... In running away, we feel safe.
Safe from being hurt again... Safe from feeling... But oh so alone...
We have lost trust... the trust we had as a child.
Each time we are hurt, it becomes harder to trust in another. Trusting that, in reaching out, we won't be hurt again.
But without trust, there can be no peace..
If there is no peace, there will always be a longing. Something missing...
In peace, we can be alone if we wish or we can reach out and soak in the goodness of touching
and being touched by another. Both are good.
When we can trust in another:
Their touch calms us... soothes us... quiets our fears.
That bond of trust, born from gentle touch, allows each to be at peace.
It allows each to gather strength from the other.
Some find that animals fill their need to touch. A dog's trust is unconditional.
It will follow you where ever you go and protect you with it's life.
All it wants in return is your touch, your affection.. Your caress.
A caress is a special kind of touch.. It is born of love and mutual trust.
A trust that allows us to stand on our own, even when the other isn't there.
Trusting that, if we call, the other will respond. Without fear... Without questioning... Simply because we called.. A friend, a lover..
In quietly caressing and being caressed we gain strength.
nothing calms faster...
the child in all of us.
the need in all of us..
The human in all of us.
more than exchanging trust.

Never dream.

They told me..." You’ll never dream again"
They told me... And I kept a tear in my eyes
"You’ll never dream again" 
All was said
I stopped .. 
"You’ll never dream again"
Chill enveloped me
I misunderstood
"You'll never dream again, give up.!!"
I smiled and replied...
I may not dream again... But I live more now.

Missing kiss

A kiss is not just a kiss;
A kiss is love.
For a kiss means I breathe for you; and you breathe for me.
This means we can't live without each other.
So a kiss is not just a kiss.
A kiss is me loving you

Apologize..!

Sorry 
if i invaded your mind and wanted it to be mine..
If i forced you to drink my wine and it couldn 't make you fine..
If i dimmed your world by my absence and filled it with dins..
If i wasn't the lovely jade and i couldn't be the fake...
if I baptized your soul by my holiness blesses and it couldn’t protect you from your own devil ..
If i cursed you with my faith, when i tried to ravel your vicious spell..
If i distorted your structure when i replaced your claws with pure wings to blow and it couldn 't turn you into an angel ..
Sorry
If i made you struggle.. in a world full of pretenders.
If i believed that, its hard to find the relief and ran to my world to hide..
If i had to leave, and let all our dreams behind..
If i had to deport you from heaven and let you alone in forbidden kingdom.
If i had to renounce your bonds, and i couldn't revive my vows..
Sorry
for my sorrows cause i gave all my raving passions’s gist, and asked you to be my everything.
but you requited me as if its lavish unbearable guilt, for anyone can ever felt.

Start to hate being me.

Should I stop giving and break up with living
should I give up forgiving
should I deport my angles and invite my demons
should I look behind the portrait not at the sight..
should I leave
Should I stop to believe
should I hurt and ignore the heart
should I betray and be the smart
should I know how to play
Should I stop obey
should I love myself a little bit more than the others..
should I be selfish styled by devilish..
shouldn't I stop being a human..! !
should I be a phenomenon..! !
I think i should stop thinking
I shouldn't be myself
I should be like everybody else..!

Netherlands

I want to go to
Netherlands and see
The other side of the world also 

November dreams...

White sandy beaches, Warm blue waters,
Lush green palm trees, A quiet place to be,
Sitting there, just you and me.
Yellow warmth of sun, Red hot heat of love,
Inky blackness of night, Stars overhead a silvery light,
Making love, just you and me.
Umbrella drinks, And holding hands,
Soft kisses and gentle sighs, Cloudless deep skies,
Together forever, just you and I.
Liquid warmth, Washing in slow,
Gritty sand below, Hand in hand we know,
Hearts as one, just you and I.
Glittery light, To mark our way,
Echoes of time, The end of today, With the moon over the sea,
Never more in love, just you and me.
Soft ocean breezes, White capped waves,
Tears of joy in my eye, With the moon over high,
No one else in the world, just you and I. 

Silence prayer.

The coolest thing in kneeling to god, is that you whispering your prayers into the ground. And it's heard by he who in the sky.. O God.. 

If you had a rose for every sorry, you'd have to picke a whole field.

My love for her will last forever,  
Her skin against mine as soft as a feather,
This love can last threw any weather.
Her hands in mine,
Fingers tangled like twin, Hands running through hair,
Trying to make Her aware, Of how much I love her,
Me and her together all night, Holding her so very tight,
and when I'm with her,
Everything seems all right,
Her beauty shines,
Like the brightest light.
She made my heart soar like a kite,  
And fly like a bird,
My heart so high,
But when She said those Words my heart fell straight outta the sky,
Why did She have to hide or lie,
Why did She have to make me sigh, cry, and want to die.
My heart hit the ground, pieces flew all around.
She smashed it to dust,  And left me to rust
You put my heart back together,
You promised me,
You would be with me forever. 

Confusion

Have you ever been in a state of confusion.!!
In which all your emotions set the illusion,
That you don't know how you're feeling and you don't know what you want.!
Even if you don't realize it it's terrible when it's you those bad thoughts haunt,
In my opinion confusion is far worse than pain,
Trying to figure it out could definitely cause great strain,
Sitting and wondering what to do or what the confusion is about,
To me not knowing makes me afraid of what I may find out,
I'm not saying I can't handle what's dealt to me but still I can't say I like it,
The best I can do is try to ignore my feelings otherwise I'd have a fit,
I'm pretty sure this feeling has happened to almost everybody,
Confusion of your feelings or whatever it may be,
But I hope not too often or some may end up just like me... 

Abandonment

Some people say 'Things will get better!,
As far as I'm concerned my eyes will just get wetter,
The tears that fall are often mis_shed,
At least that's what I think when I lie my head...
Others say 'Life's good, don't be a bust',
But when you're ignored so often that it's hard to trust...
There's not often something to help the lust...
That I have to be important in this world when I'm less than dust...
No matter what people say trying to convince me,
In my own life that I'm 'The Key',
I respond with 'Then I'm the key without a lock,
Because no matter what I'm behind the 'flock' '...
Every time I find someone important, to an extent,
I know I'm always gunna' end up with abandonment

Day dream door

Once a day and sometimes more
I look out my day dream door
I wished you to come to me in my dreams, and then by day I shall be well again.
For then the night will more than pay... The hopeless longing of the day. 
Inside of me there is snow melting down, and lots of mud and slush around, 
I know the grass will surely sprout and birds and flowers will come about.
But why oh why does it take so long.?
I'm sure the calendar can't be wrong.
Someday Sunshine will fill my heart with cheer
I wish that winter are really here.
Wake up.! 
close the door.!